


your heart is all i own

by brittyelaine



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Fluff, Angst with a Happy Ending, Castiel in the Bunker, Dean Being an Asshole, Dean Sings, Emotional Hurt, John Winchester's A+ Parenting, M/M, Public Display of Affection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-27
Updated: 2017-12-27
Packaged: 2019-02-22 14:07:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,458
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13168530
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/brittyelaine/pseuds/brittyelaine
Summary: "I never knew you were the someone waiting for me. 'Cause we were so scared when we fell in love. Not knowing what it was. I will not give you up this time. But darling, just kiss me slow, your heart is all I own. And in your eyes you're holding mine."





	your heart is all i own

**Author's Note:**

> Come hang out with me on [Tumblr!](http://brittywritesstuff.tumblr.com)

It takes time, adjusting to the Happily Ever After. It’s not as easy as they make it seem in the movies. There’s a sweeping profession of love, a big, heroic gesture, the Big Finale Kiss… and then what? Then, you’re left with adjusting to this sudden shift in your relationship. The newness of it. The publicity of it. That’s the hardest part, for Dean. For someone who’s been so deeply guarded and masked his whole life, peeling that away and showing everyone his heart isn’t as easy as he’d like.

Waking to Cas in his bed is, undoubtedly, the best thing that’s ever happened to him in his whole miserable existence. Forty goddamn years of misery and pain, and Dean finally has what he wants. In quiet, private moments, he doesn’t hold himself back. He kisses Cas like there won’t be a tomorrow. He worships Cas — every inch of him. Like Dean was man stranded in a desert, Cas is an oasis quenching a longstanding thirst. 

It’s the moments that aren’t so private where Dean finds the most trouble; the times he’s confronted with the most contentious part of his relationship. 

“So, the waitress gave me a name and a general neighborhood, but no address.” Sam turns his collar up against the chill in the wind as he joins Dean and Cas, leaning back against the Impala. “Figured it won’t be too hard to track this guy down.”

Dean glances at Cas and nods, stuffing his hands in his pockets before Cas has the chance to reach for them. He nods politely to a couple passing by, stepping through the diner doors just behind Sam. “Okay. So, you and Cas see what you can find on the guy, I’ll check out the crime scene and hit up the coroner, and we’ll meet back at the motel?”

Sam nods in agreement, and Dean looks to Cas for approval. “Alright,” he says, and leans in. 

Dean leans away, avoiding the obvious attempt at a goodbye kiss and claps Cas on the shoulder. “Call if you need anything,” he says, pushing past him. “See ya.” He slides into the driver’s seat and barely waits for Cas to push off the car before he backs out of the parking lot. He doesn’t bother looking back, because he knows he’s left Cas looking confused and bewildered, and Sam looking on with pity. 

He almost asks himself why he’s like this. And then he remembers John.

~

It’s dark by the time Dean swings the Impala into a parking space at the motel. He take a deep breath and snatched the six-pack from the passenger seat before flinging the door open and trudging inside. He finds Cas at the table, flipping through a book, and Sam stretched out on one of the beds, poking at his laptop keys.

“Find anything good?”

Sam barely looks up, and shakes his head. “Not really. A few possible leads, but this is turning into one of those ‘could be anything’ cases.”

“Great,” Dean grunts, shrugging off his jacket. He sets the beer on the table and runs his hand over Cas’s shoulder and kisses the angel’s head before loosening his tie. “Same for me, really. Body is mutilated, so I was thinking werewolf, but the timing ain’t right.” He doesn’t notice the way Cas is watching him curiously as he rambles on. 

Dean’s wrong, and they wipe out the werewolf culprit two days later. They make the thirteen-hour haul back to the bunker in one push, all of them exhausted and ready to be home in the comfort of their own beds.

~

Dean’s never really sure why he attempts a stop at the Walmart on a Saturday morning. It’s always packed, and he’s always irritated.

Sam elected to take Eileen to breakfast, leaving Cas and Dean to handle the grocery run on their own. Not that Dean minds spending any amount of time with Cas. It’s nice, just the two of them. 

He’s standing in the coffee-and-tea aisle, weighing the options of two different brands when Cas leans in close and presses his hand to Dean’s back gently, between the shoulder blades. It shifts downward, and Dean quickly steps away, his movements jittery and completely without grace, chucking both bags of coffee in the cart. “Saw a sale on chips. I’m gonna go check those out,” he announces, and leaves Cas with the cart and a whole lot of hurt.

~

Dean puts the groceries away as quickly as possible, and pushes Cas against the fridge in a heated kiss, palming his hip through the faded jeans that fit him a little too well. “I’ve wanted to do this all day,” he murmurs, diving in for another kiss.

All thought goes out the window when his fingers slip beneath Dean’s shirt. “I need a shower. Come with me,” Dean breathes as they part. He grins deviously and takes Cas’s hand, leading him to the bathroom, and takes his time worshiping Cas beneath the cascade of hot water.

~

“I’m confused about something, Dean.” Cas closes the door and moves toward the bed, shedding his t-shirt as he goes. Dean knows this is about to be an in-depth discussion, but shirtless Cas proves to be a distraction no matter the subject.

“Okay.” Dean clears his throat, settling back against his headboard. “What’s up?”

Cas sits down on the bed, and the mattress dips beneath his weight. “You and I are… together, are we not? A ‘couple’?” He uses air quotes. 

Dean leans forward, draping an arm over his bent knee. “‘Course, Cas. Why?”

Cas seems to consider it a moment, like he’s rearranging the Scrabble squares to find the right words. “I’ve spent a great deal of time around humans over the years. And, admittedly, my experience with being a ‘couple’ is limited, I feel like there are preconceived notions I’m not able to shake.”

“ _O_ kay…” Dean draws the word out slowly, his brow drawing together. “Cas, what is it, man?” 

“It’s been my understanding - from culture and observation - that couples show each other affection.”

“Yeah. And?”

“You don’t.”

“The hell’s that supposed to mean? ‘Course I do, Cas. I kiss you all the time. I hug you all the damn time. If you haven’t noticed, most of the time, I can’t get enough of you.”

“But only when we’re alone.”

Dean knows he should control his temper. He knows this is brand-new territory for both of them — if not more so for Cas. The guy has forsaken his own kind for Dean time and time again. All of this, Dean knows, is a sacrifice for Cas. And he’s thankful. He really is. But, he’s Dean and Dean doesn’t react well when confronted about feelings. “Sorry, I’m not interested in fucking you in public,” he snaps. He regrets it immediately, but the floodgates are already open. The filter’s been deactivated. 

“Dean,” Cas says, calm as ever. He tilts his head and sighs. “You know that’s not what I mean. I mean… it seems like you’re ashamed of this. Of us.”

Dean narrows his eyes and pushes off the bed. He’s pacing, scrubbing a hand over his face. “So you’re pissed because, what? I don’t hold your hand in public? Throw myself at you? In case you missed the memo, Cas, we’re both dudes.”

He sees it then, the heat in Cas’s eyes. Dean’s struck a nerve. “So you’d prefer if my vessel were female?”

With a huff, Dean’s eyes widen. “You’re kidding me, right? That’s not what I’m saying. I’m just saying, situations like you and me ain’t that common and it’s not all that welcome sometimes.”

Cas is quiet for a moment, and he nods slowly. “So, I was right.” He stands and grabs his shirt as he heads for the door. “You’re ashamed of what we are.”

“No, Cas. C’mon, I—“ He doesn’t get to finish his thought before the door closes, and Dean’s left alone with the argument on repeat and the weight of his self-loathing bearing down on him yet again. 

The one person who’s stood beside him through everything is an Angel who saw fit to lay siege to Hell and rescue him. An Angel who’s chosen him over and over again, put him above all else; above Heaven itself. An Angel who, before Dean, knew nothing of love but knew he loved Dean. And this is how Dean repays him. 

Sinking to the bed with his head in his hands, Dean heaves a heavy breath and swallows hard. “What the fuck is wrong with me?”

He spends the night alone with little sleep. The sun rises, and with it dawns the realization that if Dean doesn’t figure his shit out and change his ways, he could lose Cas for good. Not to peril or death. But to a choice — one that, Dean knows — will hurt worse than death.

~

“We should go out tonight,” Dean announces over breakfast a week later. Cas, Sam, and Eileen stare at him in surprise before exchanging confused looks. Dean sighs, pushing on. “It’s been a hectic few weeks for all of us, y’know? I just,” He glances at Cas and swallows, “I just thought we could all use a night off.” He wants a night with Cas, to make it up to him. A little liquid courage, and everything will be right as rain. He hopes. “C’mon.”

He’s spent the better part of this past week doing everything in his power to gain back Cas’s good graces. Cas, to his credit, is outwardly taking it in stride. But Dean wakes each morning to an empty bed, and each morning, he’s faced with his own glaring stupidity. 

Sam mentioned the tension only once, and when met with Dean’s angry response, he says nothing on the subject again. 

To Dean’s outburst, Sam sighs and Eileen nods. “A good idea,” she says, signing to Sam. 

“Yeah, why not,” Sam says, shrugging. 

Dean smiles and looks to Cas. He nudges him gently. “Whaddya say, Cas?”

Cas nods quietly. “I’d like that.”

“Awesome. There’s a bar over in Smith Center I’ve been wanting to check out. Sound good?” When they’re all in agreement, Dean knocks back the last of his coffee and grins happily. “Awesome.”

~

The place is packed when the foursome step through the door. It’s not the dive bar they’re used to — it’s upscale; a little hipster for their taste, maybe. A change is a good thing, Dean thinks. They could all use something out of the ordinary.

They snag a standing table in the corner, and Dean heads for the bar to grab a round of beers for them — and a couple shots of whiskey for himself. Acoustic guitar fills the air above the chatter, and Dean thinks maybe he can get used to this. It’s not filthy and they’re not here to hustle anyone. He can’t remember the last time they enjoyed a night out without an ulterior motive. 

An emcee — a young guy with a massive beard and a man bun — ushers the performer offstage and takes the mic. “Welcome any newcomers to Zeppelin and Wharf. Tonight, as you can see, is acoustic open mic, and we’ve got a decent roster. Sign ups are at the bar if anyone’s interested. Uhhh, Okay. Next up, we have, uh…” The guy stops to squint at his paper. “Dean Winchester. We got a Dean anywhere?”

Dean’s face flushes immediately, and Sam and Cas turn to stare at him, both open-mouthed and shocked. Eileen, not having heard most of what the emcee said, looks rightfully confused. Sam quickly explains, and she, too, turns to stare at Dean. 

Clearing his throat, Dean slips from his stool and heads for the stage, taking the guitar offered by the previous performer. He tunes it quickly and approaches the mic. His heart is hammering in his chest, and he's certain everyone in the room can hear it. “Cas,” he says. Looking up, he meets Cas’s eyes through the crowd, and Dean sighs. He doesn't know what more to say, so instead of trying, he pushes on and does what he came here to do. 

He strums out the opening chords, and draws in a deep breath. “I found a love for me. Darling just dive right in. And follow my lead..."

His eyes remain fixed on Cas's, and it's like the whole world falls away.

“Well I found a guy, beautiful and sweet. I never knew you were the someone waiting for me. 'Cause we were so scared when we fell in love. Not knowing what it was. I will not give you up this time. But darling, just kiss me slow, your heart is all I own. And in your eyes you're holding mine. 

“Baby, I'm dancing in the dark with you between my arms. Barefoot on the grass, listening to my favorite song. 

“When you said you weren’t enough, I whispered underneath my breath, but you heard it, darling, you are perfect to me. 

“Well I found an angel, stronger than anyone I know. He shares my dreams, I hope that someday I'll share a home. 

“I found a love, to carry more than just my secrets. To carry love, to care for children of our own. We are still scared, but we're so in love. Fighting against all odds. I know we'll be alright this time. 

“Darling, just hold my hand. Be my guy, I'll be your man. I see my future in your eyes. Baby, I'm dancing in the dark, with you between my arms. Barefoot on the grass, listening to my favorite song. 

“When you came back to me, looking so beautiful, I don't deserve this, darling, you are perfect to me. 

“Baby, I'm dancing in the dark, with you between my arms. Barefoot on the grass, listening to my favorite song. 

“I have faith in what I see. Now I know I have met an angel in person. And he’s so perfect. I don't deserve this. You are perfect to me.”

Dean strums the final notes and hands off the guitar, his eyes set on Cas’s. He steps off the stage and pushes his way through the crowd. His hands reach Cas before he does, and they cradle his face, pulling him in for a deep, passion-filled kiss. The bar patrons, watching in fascination, clap and cheer for them, though no one’s really sure why. 

When they part, they rest their foreheads together, and Dean takes a deep breath. “I love you, Cas. And I’m a fucking idiot for not wanting to show everyone. I’m sorry. I was a dumbass.”

Cas laughs softly, pulling Dean in closer. “I prefer _misguided_ ,” he says, and his elated grin matches Dean’s. “Less dumb. Less ass.”

**Author's Note:**

> The song Dean sings is ["Perfect" by Ed Sheeran](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wVssIqFyFac), with the lyrics slightly modified to fit these two. I heard this song recently, became obsessed, and this fic practically wrote itself.


End file.
